授受表現Giving & Receiving Desk Mat (あげる・くれる・もらう)
あげる (outward →) · くれる (inward to me ←) · もらう (I receive ←) — directional diagrams, honorific levels, 〜て form favors & classroom traps
Used when YOU give to someone else, or when Third Person A gives to Third Person B. NEVER used when someone gives to YOU!
- 私は母に花をあげました。I gave flowers to my mother.
- 田中さんは山下さんに本をあげました。Tanaka gave a book to Yamashita.
Used ONLY when someone gives something to YOU (or your close family/in-group 内). 私に is often dropped because くれる already means “to me.”
- 友だちが（私に）プレゼントをくれました。My friend gave (me) a present.
- 先生がこの辞書をくださいました。My teacher kindly gave me this dictionary.
The RECEIVER is the topic/subject (は/が), and the GIVER is marked with に (or から for institutions like schools/companies).
- 私は姉に時計をもらいました。I received a watch from my older sister.
- 先生からお土産をいただきました。I humbly received a souvenir from the teacher.
| Verb 〜て + Giving/Receiving | Who Does the Action? | Nuance & Particle Rule | Classroom Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| 〜てあげる (↑ 〜てさしあげる) | I do a favor FOR them | Emphasizes that I am doing something helpful for someone else’s benefit. | 私は友だちに宿題を教えてあげました。 I kindly helped teach my friend the homework. |
| 〜てくれる (↑ 〜てくださる) | THEY do a favor FOR me | Someone does something out of kindness for me (Giver is the subject は/が). | 母がお弁当を作ってくれました。 My mom kindly made a bento for me. |
| 〜てもらう (↑ 〜ていただく) | I have/get THEM to do a favor | I receive the benefit of someone doing an action for me (Doer takes に). | 私は日本人の友だちに漢字を直してもらいました。 I had my Japanese friend correct my kanji. |
Politeness / Status Matrix
| Other Person | Give → | Give Me ← | Receive ← |
|---|---|---|---|
| Equal / Friends / Family | あげる | くれる | もらう |
| Superior (Teacher, Boss, Client) | さしあげる | くださる | いただく |
| Pets, Plants, Younger Siblings | あげる / やる | くれる | もらう |
In-group (内 = me + my family) always acts as the center of gravity for くれる!
!Classic Classroom Traps
Never Use あげる When Someone Gives to YOU (or Your Family)!
Whenever the arrow points inward toward YOU or your family (内), Japanese requires くれる (or もらう), NEVER あげる.
くれる vs. もらう: Check Who Has は/が and Who Has に!
With くれる, the GIVER is the subject (が/は). With もらう, the RECEIVER is the subject (は/が) and the giver takes に.
Social Etiquette: Avoid Saying 〜てあげます Directly to a Superior!
〜てあげる can sound like “I’m doing you a big favor.” To superiors or strangers, offer help with 〜ましょうか instead.